Saturday, June 30, 2007
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Scars of the Past
I realized that I'm losing weight again when I was looking at myself through the mirror when I was bathing and I glanced at the wound that my chemotherapy was carried out on. It is still really painful...
Just as I sat down at my usual work station, I began swaying into reading my past emails that I received. I chance upon all the emails that were involved in arguments that could be avoided if I was someone else...
I was told off for quite abit of rash words that I wish to share:
These words up till today carry a very strong impact on me for it really strike me down thinking, what had I done. And over a period of time, for those who knew, to me, was at my saddest period.
I'm not trying to tarnish anyone's image or garner attention but this is what rings within me. I was just beginning learn to make others laugh and smile but at the end of the day, I realized, it's pointless.
Maybe her words are true, perhaps I'm not worthy of being a friend to anyone. yea...
Just as I sat down at my usual work station, I began swaying into reading my past emails that I received. I chance upon all the emails that were involved in arguments that could be avoided if I was someone else...
I was told off for quite abit of rash words that I wish to share:
Speaking of emotions, I'm not sure about you, but you have been really going from one extreme to another, and one of the reasons why I kept so quiet is I'm afraid. Afraid of you. Honestly speaking, I'm not sure if you are like this to begin with, but the way your emotions swing from one end to the other, it's frightening. I'm sure that even though I can be patient and trying, I do have certain limits and boundaries, but you had crossed those lines all too clearly.
I'll be frank and cut the chase. It would be bitter sounding.
It's hard to understand everything anymore. You more so. One way you tear at my emotions, sometimes knowing where to strike at my mentality, another way you try to come in peace, trying to pacify everything. I applaude you at being so successful. You have been the first one to honestly tear my mind and emotions into a thousand pieces. Be proud of that since who knows. It could have been the thing you had been aiming for. Everything is not like the books and fairy tales you deem it to be. Oh fight, then make up. All in a blink of an eye. Not everything is so simple. Advices, words of comfort, words of encouragement, all from those whom you sought help from, nothing can help you unless you do it yourself to really sort the mess that has been created.
By the way, thank you for the bitter tone in the message you sent today. I will return you one favor though. That is, thank you for unleashing your fury on me, for unleashing your friends on me. Thank you for thinking so lowly of me. And thank you for such little trust in the people about you. I clap my hands and celebrate in jubilee with the bitterness you had instilled into me. Drilled down. I had the mind to actually talk to you slowly before that. Now, I'm not so sure about that. Thanks for that again.
Your friends hate me don't they? Then we are equal since I do have my own to say they don't like you. But we have gone past the stage where we still hold grudges.
Just in recent days, I have already released my contempt. I simply don't care anymore. Whether you hate me, whether you like me, what your friends still think, still say. Basically everything. There's no point anymore. All I wanted was to go exceptionally slow and see if we could at least establish a point where we can at least talk civilly and politely. But no. You charged head on, turning and twisting, not looking what was around you, not observing. Don't say that it's because you are a taurus. I don't believe in that sort of crap. It is your nature, has always been, and I accept that. I can do nothing to even try and grasp at least a glimmer of hope that you could at least turn out to be a reliable friend.
I remember the times when you blew up on me, or say those nasty things about anything under the sun, I would just nod, keep quiet and try to placate you. Thinking of ways on how to improve what we had established. But I failed. Many times I try to reason, but I didn't understand why, no matter how many times I say, it just wouldn't hit home. I won't say that I was trying to change the person you were or is. Maybe I was trying to at least see if more patience and understanding could be instilled a bit in you, to try and see things from all sides, see the better things.
I was foolish to believe that you had more rationality then I thought you had. I was wrong about everything.
I'm not sure if you want to believe in my words anymore. Like I said before, 'your life, your heart, your mind, your choice'. I assure you at most that I'm not trying anything. But just do know that, even until now, I'm trying to see if I can be a bit more patient and see if I can at least salvage a friendship at most. At my own snail pace. Taken, my pace is not your pace. Taken, there isn't time. But I am what I am, and my pace is this slow. But since you are now adment about quietness, go ahead.
Whatever you say now, whether in anger, bitterness, sorrow or anything else, I'll just absorb it and know this, I still can stand and will not be swayed by anything. You had turned me into something foreign that I do not even understand myself. I will not dwell in the past. I will not pick petty arguments. I am not looking for another fight. I will just simply not do anything. I will go at my own pace. Call me selfish, but at least that's the most I'm entitled to.
I'm not trying to tarnish anyone's image or garner attention but this is what rings within me. I was just beginning learn to make others laugh and smile but at the end of the day, I realized, it's pointless.
Maybe her words are true, perhaps I'm not worthy of being a friend to anyone. yea...
Goodye Halcyon days...
Contrary
| You Are a Good Friend Because You're Loyal |
 You stick with your friends no matter what, even if you feel like they're doing the wrong thing. You believe in letting people figure out their own path in life. It's not your place to interfere. And part of your loyalty means that you'll do a lot for your friends. You definitely go the extra mile. You'll even do great things for friends without them asking. After all, that's what friendship is all about. You are truly a friend for life. And you have friends you've known since you were a kid. Your friends can count on you to do a favor, remember a birthday, or just be there to listen. Your friends need you most when: They can't turn to anyone else You really can't be friends with: Fickle people who change friends quickly Your friendship quote: "Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows |
This contradicts what kinda person I am. Cuz every now and then, after pulling my friends out of their depression period or rather, sad period, they tend to remember me for the first few months and after which, I'm out of their life. I have many examples such as:
- W
- M
- K
- GH
- A
- J
- C
- M
- S
- E
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Off Tuned
When projects that are due on Thursday and nothing is done yet, I get mad.
When a particular lecturer is on my tail, it irritates me.
When someone I haven't seen so long returns, I have the urge to see her.
When the all the irresponsible peep from my class pressures me to take up more roles, I can die.
When Jerryboy gets sad, depressed or breakdown, someone will see me get angry.
If my health fails, there will not be any hope left.
Everything is going....
Down
When a particular lecturer is on my tail, it irritates me.
When someone I haven't seen so long returns, I have the urge to see her.
When the all the irresponsible peep from my class pressures me to take up more roles, I can die.
When Jerryboy gets sad, depressed or breakdown, someone will see me get angry.
If my health fails, there will not be any hope left.
Everything is going....
Down
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Being Random
Random time! And the topic, what Jerryboy like and dislike. LOL
Jerryboy likes:
We have yet to settle environmental issues and also, our own people's need and we focus so much on external affairs.
If you ask me why I'm talking about such a topic, cuz I chance across an article from TODAY newspaper and it caught my eye, Slavery. That is why, since I was a kid, I always slander the law and their sidekicks.
Her:
I really don't know if I've changed anot but it is others who will judge me on that but whatever I say, I always have you misunderstood, hurting you with my words. It's been 6months since I last seen you.
I never once doubt your concern despite not being able. True that I don't wish to see you cuz I'm still having trouble getting over it.
So, I'm sorry for misunderstanding you again, my fault. Perhaps if you think that it's best that you wanna keep your distance from me, I'm alright with it. Just give me more time...
Jerryboy likes:
- Anything to do with green or black
- People telling him that they miss him
- People laughing and smiling
- Poking people out of the blue
- Embracing souls in need
- Rainy days
- Black and white pictures
- Songs with meaningful lyrics
- His gang of xiao mei meiS. LOL
- His little sister (;
- Punksters
- People "yozing" him
- People calling him dude
- People who constantly keep correcting his English
- People who uses him as an object to crack a joke for others
- People who despise others through social ranking
- People who keep pressuring him to go for a degree
- Any lawyers
- People who yoz me: I just don't like it.
- People calling him dude: I'm not white.
- People who constantly keep correcting his English: Mind you, my English is A1.
- People who uses him as an object to crack a joke for others: I've got my dignity bastards.
- People who despise others through social ranking: Simple, the higher your social status, the lower your respect are for the people of lower social status.
- People who keep pressuring him to go for a degree: I'm happy the way I am. Really!
- Any lawyers: The law was supposedly created to ensure fairness and equality. But if you do know, the rich were the one who created "Law" to protect themselves. What equality and fairness do you speak of?
We have yet to settle environmental issues and also, our own people's need and we focus so much on external affairs.
If you ask me why I'm talking about such a topic, cuz I chance across an article from TODAY newspaper and it caught my eye, Slavery. That is why, since I was a kid, I always slander the law and their sidekicks.
Her:
I really don't know if I've changed anot but it is others who will judge me on that but whatever I say, I always have you misunderstood, hurting you with my words. It's been 6months since I last seen you.
I never once doubt your concern despite not being able. True that I don't wish to see you cuz I'm still having trouble getting over it.
So, I'm sorry for misunderstanding you again, my fault. Perhaps if you think that it's best that you wanna keep your distance from me, I'm alright with it. Just give me more time...
Friday, June 22, 2007
Can you people STOP asking me about my health?!?!
Yes, I know how concerned are you guys when I'm ill but, there's certain boundaries of limit that you should not cross. Take for example, spreading the news that I'm down with leukemia.
In case you don't know when someone is ill, yes, to certain extend concern is appreciated. BUT, if you are to keep asking and asking and asking, naturally, I will get irritated about it.
Especially when you're someone who had a past with me. It irks me alot not because you ditched me but because you're being over-concerned and spreading the news? The last thing I want to do is let the World know about my condition. That is why I kept it even from Terriss, my coach.
So, DON'T, it's irritating. And I mean it... Thank you.
In case you don't know when someone is ill, yes, to certain extend concern is appreciated. BUT, if you are to keep asking and asking and asking, naturally, I will get irritated about it.
Especially when you're someone who had a past with me. It irks me alot not because you ditched me but because you're being over-concerned and spreading the news? The last thing I want to do is let the World know about my condition. That is why I kept it even from Terriss, my coach.
So, DON'T, it's irritating. And I mean it... Thank you.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
The Switch
I'm switching blog soon because I don't like certain people on my ass. Especially ignorant ones.
Friday, June 15, 2007
Home Girls and Their Bringing
Of most I know of, the guys, they ABSOLUTELY LOVE home girls for they do not foresee what are the consequences. For one thing I know, I grew to detest them as they are such a pain-in-the ass.
Firstly, MOST of them whom I know love boy fanning and they would look up to idols, wishing that they could get someone dashing. But wait, I think they need a mirror to reflect what kinda person they are before they could actually drool over the guy.
Secondly, MOST of them are "virgins" in relationships, not knowing anything and what to do and such. One of the example is simple, not knowing what to do whenever they make a mistake.
Thirdly, they are such softie at heart, refusing to argue or whatever when it comes to major decision. They just say, anything is fine. So, a break up is also fine to them easily.
Forth, their best friends can be a lethal weapon against the guy should she have this "See you not happy" kinda thing.
So, at the end of the day, getting a relationship to last with a home girl ain't always that fascinating eh? For me, I had began to pick up my confidence and am gonna try hitting on some HOT FAT BABES =DDDDD
Concurrently, am mixing around quite a lot of hot babes. Screw being a sweet looking guy awaiting on ignorant ideals, quit dressing decently, it time to hit the street. Leaving of which, I shall leave this stupid video that I found on Raphael's blog.
Oh... I'm anti-PAP and LEE family.
Firstly, MOST of them whom I know love boy fanning and they would look up to idols, wishing that they could get someone dashing. But wait, I think they need a mirror to reflect what kinda person they are before they could actually drool over the guy.
Secondly, MOST of them are "virgins" in relationships, not knowing anything and what to do and such. One of the example is simple, not knowing what to do whenever they make a mistake.
Thirdly, they are such softie at heart, refusing to argue or whatever when it comes to major decision. They just say, anything is fine. So, a break up is also fine to them easily.
Forth, their best friends can be a lethal weapon against the guy should she have this "See you not happy" kinda thing.
So, at the end of the day, getting a relationship to last with a home girl ain't always that fascinating eh? For me, I had began to pick up my confidence and am gonna try hitting on some HOT FAT BABES =DDDDD
Concurrently, am mixing around quite a lot of hot babes. Screw being a sweet looking guy awaiting on ignorant ideals, quit dressing decently, it time to hit the street. Leaving of which, I shall leave this stupid video that I found on Raphael's blog.
Oh... I'm anti-PAP and LEE family.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Spunkan
Entered A&E earlier this morning due to my sugar problem and so, blood test done, transplant was....
SUCCESSFUL!! Wee`
I learnt a lesson, NEVER NEVER leave home without sweets =(
But just as I was about to take a smile, I realized I made a mistake last night. In an attempt to speak to a friend in a peaceful but understanding manner, all hell broke loose, everything was smashed. I didn't lose my temper or such but emotional affection was torn apart.
As much as I tried to salvage the whole situation, it was fruitless and it came down over in just 4hours.
I've changed from one end to another end just to try and seek a better social life but I wasn't spared.
Friends like Clement, who once often speak to me about my temper, my attitude, I already began to change, adapt nicely and learnt to analyze problems before tackling it.
But I failed. Perhaps I'm still not used to using Clements' suggestion to aid myself. So, I broke up, I confessed to the lovely girl.
I hope it ain't a wrong move... And I'm getting scare of approaching anyone now...
SUCCESSFUL!! Wee`
I learnt a lesson, NEVER NEVER leave home without sweets =(
But just as I was about to take a smile, I realized I made a mistake last night. In an attempt to speak to a friend in a peaceful but understanding manner, all hell broke loose, everything was smashed. I didn't lose my temper or such but emotional affection was torn apart.
As much as I tried to salvage the whole situation, it was fruitless and it came down over in just 4hours.
I've changed from one end to another end just to try and seek a better social life but I wasn't spared.
Friends like Clement, who once often speak to me about my temper, my attitude, I already began to change, adapt nicely and learnt to analyze problems before tackling it.
But I failed. Perhaps I'm still not used to using Clements' suggestion to aid myself. So, I broke up, I confessed to the lovely girl.
I hope it ain't a wrong move... And I'm getting scare of approaching anyone now...
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Ego
What kills every man is their ego, their ego and their anger that ruin everything. Whenever they realized that one's fault is being revealed to another person, they would rant at whoever the person is and also, that person's trust in the middleman, is gone.
Fact is, the middleman was trying to make things look much better and get things off his chest. He's got too much secret hidden inside that he very much wanna break down.
But thing is, the middleman is concurrently the reason of smiles and laughter to many people. He cannot afford to drop down and break down in front of so many people. Despite his health condition, he puts up a strong front to build up his reputation and trust.
He will die to set his goals right.
BUT, it was the ego of else one that could easily ruin him. It was a man's ego. It's really sad to go round the bush to get back at the middleman while he's trying to get a better understanding for the egocentric guy.
I've got secrets. But this secrets cannot be revealed till time is right. I really love to reveal it but I think it's too soon to do so.
Lastly, the middle man, no matter what, always treat this egocentric guy like his brother for both had gone through thick and thin together.
Don't break it...
Fact is, the middleman was trying to make things look much better and get things off his chest. He's got too much secret hidden inside that he very much wanna break down.
But thing is, the middleman is concurrently the reason of smiles and laughter to many people. He cannot afford to drop down and break down in front of so many people. Despite his health condition, he puts up a strong front to build up his reputation and trust.
He will die to set his goals right.
BUT, it was the ego of else one that could easily ruin him. It was a man's ego. It's really sad to go round the bush to get back at the middleman while he's trying to get a better understanding for the egocentric guy.
I've got secrets. But this secrets cannot be revealed till time is right. I really love to reveal it but I think it's too soon to do so.
Lastly, the middle man, no matter what, always treat this egocentric guy like his brother for both had gone through thick and thin together.
Don't break it...
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Listen...
寄 沒有地址的信
這樣的情緒 有種距離
你 放著誰的歌曲
是怎樣的心情 能不能說給我聽
雨 下得好安靜
是不是你 偷偷在哭泣
幸福真的不容易
在你的背景 有我愛你
我可以 陪你去看星星
不用再多說明 我就要和你在一起
我不想 又再一次和你分離
我多麼想每一次的美麗 是因為你
寄 沒有地址的信
這樣的情緒 有種距離
你 放著誰的歌曲
是怎樣的心情 能不能說給我聽
雨 下得好安靜
是不是你 偷偷在哭泣
幸福它真的不容易
在你的背景 有我愛你
我可以 陪你去看星星
不用再多說明 我就要和你在一起
我不想 又再一次和你分離
我多麼想每一次的美麗 是因為你
我可以 陪你去看星星
不用再多說明 我就要和你在一起
我不想 又再一次和你分離
我多麼想每一次的美麗 是因為你
這樣的情緒 有種距離
你 放著誰的歌曲
是怎樣的心情 能不能說給我聽
雨 下得好安靜
是不是你 偷偷在哭泣
幸福真的不容易
在你的背景 有我愛你
我可以 陪你去看星星
不用再多說明 我就要和你在一起
我不想 又再一次和你分離
我多麼想每一次的美麗 是因為你
寄 沒有地址的信
這樣的情緒 有種距離
你 放著誰的歌曲
是怎樣的心情 能不能說給我聽
雨 下得好安靜
是不是你 偷偷在哭泣
幸福它真的不容易
在你的背景 有我愛你
我可以 陪你去看星星
不用再多說明 我就要和你在一起
我不想 又再一次和你分離
我多麼想每一次的美麗 是因為你
我可以 陪你去看星星
不用再多說明 我就要和你在一起
我不想 又再一次和你分離
我多麼想每一次的美麗 是因為你
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Torture, blood
I lose quite a lot of blood for the bone marrow aspiration. That was what the registrar said.
Next week is the transplant. I will give it a last try...
Next week is the transplant. I will give it a last try...
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Linkin Park, Archery politics
When I was hospitalized last week, dear Kikyo san was so nice to help me get the recent released album "Minutes to Midnight" for me and even up till now, it's been playing on and on my player. How cool eh?
Yea, I ain't very much of a Linkin Park person but this album somehow is different to me =DDDD
Come Saturday, come Saturday! Movie with Shanning! lol...
But wait, when Saturday comes, that means I will have to conduct the basic course next week cuz we are gonna fire the coach for trying to sell his product too many times. His name is Sunny Low and ever since he hooked up alliance with Mr Tang, he's been screwing up alot of shit and left me in his pile of shit recently.
Yea, screw this piece of shit!
Yea, I ain't very much of a Linkin Park person but this album somehow is different to me =DDDD
Come Saturday, come Saturday! Movie with Shanning! lol...
But wait, when Saturday comes, that means I will have to conduct the basic course next week cuz we are gonna fire the coach for trying to sell his product too many times. His name is Sunny Low and ever since he hooked up alliance with Mr Tang, he's been screwing up alot of shit and left me in his pile of shit recently.
Yea, screw this piece of shit!
Monday, May 21, 2007
Series of Emotion
For the past few weeks or so, many questions were rained on me. Many doubts are left unsolved as I have no answer to them either...
My pals had been speaking to me, trying to make things sound right but I can't differentiate what should I do. Some say, go ahead, leave the past while some say, wait on. What am I to do when I'm only just a imperfect person?
Again it occurs to me that since everyone is doing fine with their current affairs, relationship and life, why bring myself back into their life just to tear up their smiles again? I'm not much of anyone's cup of happiness and I don't see the significance of myself in their life.
Just as I was walking out of the darkness, their words swarmed over me again and I'm left with an indecisive answer...
Now, someone, hold my hand...
My pals had been speaking to me, trying to make things sound right but I can't differentiate what should I do. Some say, go ahead, leave the past while some say, wait on. What am I to do when I'm only just a imperfect person?
Again it occurs to me that since everyone is doing fine with their current affairs, relationship and life, why bring myself back into their life just to tear up their smiles again? I'm not much of anyone's cup of happiness and I don't see the significance of myself in their life.
Just as I was walking out of the darkness, their words swarmed over me again and I'm left with an indecisive answer...
Now, someone, hold my hand...
Sunday, May 20, 2007
URTI and the Sun
Was sick for almost the entire week, down with infections again. As usual, the coughing, fever and such is overwhelming. But managed to get over it...
Had my club's bbq at Pasir Ris, quite a successful one with the great number of people turning up and I had my fair share of sunshine that I need badly. As I was ill, unable to join the team for games and such so, sat down my the sea and let memories flood me by.
How are you....? haiz
Had my club's bbq at Pasir Ris, quite a successful one with the great number of people turning up and I had my fair share of sunshine that I need badly. As I was ill, unable to join the team for games and such so, sat down my the sea and let memories flood me by.
How are you....? haiz
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Proposals, Sponsorship, dad and SHANNING!
Sorry to my inner circle pals, had been really busy rushing for projects and I have an exhibition to handle which will be held somewhere in July. Unfortunately for me, I'm the only fellow in the entire two tut group who knows how to write a PROPER proposal that will sure go straight up to the the top heads for approval.
The other tut group which is working with us is FON (full of nonsense)! What, a TWO PAGE PROPOSAL! They even had their lecturer to back them out for that one! WAH! They could even tell me straight at my face that my proposal was rejected by THEIR lecturer while my was highly praised by my lecturer. wtf
The other group refuse to come together after school hours, refuse to do this and that and tried to command us like their own will. One even tell me straight at the face that she does not like me. Of cuz, without being Mr-Nice-Guy, I told her, "I didn't say I like your face either."
Firstly, they have NO relation with any other clubs, sponsors or anyone who could help them out in this project. It's solely MY group's work effort and they had been boasting us around like crap! Well, it's been long since I blew up on someone and here's my chance to show them what anger really is!
Next would be about my dad in helping us get sponsors. My dad works in Hiap Seng Engineering, don't really know as what but he's some big time fellow at work. Upon hearing that I'm in search of sponsors, he sent 4 emails out and immediately, I received immediate response from them offering their hands to assist me. All of which are boss of their own company. It was... GREAT!
That's not just all. Those who knew about my grandmother and my grandfather's furneral, most of the contribution was from my dad. He's got big shots all coming down and for the offering, you can watch as thousand dollar notes flash out from his friends. Seldom in my life do I get to see that kinda notes btw. For the flowers and blankets, 9/10 are from my father's friends.
I remembered once last year where he wanted to resign and join an MNC company which offers a higher pay and when he tendered his resignation, the next moment, his vice chairman called up and ask him out for lunch to negotiate it. That dude immediately offered a rise in pay and many more!
Can you imagine how great my dad is despite being a hot head!
Lastly, Shanning! I recently got to know this girl via the archery club as she's my junior in both the club and in school. Currently, conducting the basic course for her too. She's SSSOOOO crazy lah... Since last week, she's been flooding my phone with smses and just yesterday, she got me something small but nice for my belated birthday present, a card and Tom&Jerry sweets O.o
Gotta teach her archery, gotta guide her school work, so many things to do =(
Back to work Aizen!
The other tut group which is working with us is FON (full of nonsense)! What, a TWO PAGE PROPOSAL! They even had their lecturer to back them out for that one! WAH! They could even tell me straight at my face that my proposal was rejected by THEIR lecturer while my was highly praised by my lecturer. wtf
The other group refuse to come together after school hours, refuse to do this and that and tried to command us like their own will. One even tell me straight at the face that she does not like me. Of cuz, without being Mr-Nice-Guy, I told her, "I didn't say I like your face either."
Firstly, they have NO relation with any other clubs, sponsors or anyone who could help them out in this project. It's solely MY group's work effort and they had been boasting us around like crap! Well, it's been long since I blew up on someone and here's my chance to show them what anger really is!
Next would be about my dad in helping us get sponsors. My dad works in Hiap Seng Engineering, don't really know as what but he's some big time fellow at work. Upon hearing that I'm in search of sponsors, he sent 4 emails out and immediately, I received immediate response from them offering their hands to assist me. All of which are boss of their own company. It was... GREAT!
That's not just all. Those who knew about my grandmother and my grandfather's furneral, most of the contribution was from my dad. He's got big shots all coming down and for the offering, you can watch as thousand dollar notes flash out from his friends. Seldom in my life do I get to see that kinda notes btw. For the flowers and blankets, 9/10 are from my father's friends.
I remembered once last year where he wanted to resign and join an MNC company which offers a higher pay and when he tendered his resignation, the next moment, his vice chairman called up and ask him out for lunch to negotiate it. That dude immediately offered a rise in pay and many more!
Can you imagine how great my dad is despite being a hot head!
Lastly, Shanning! I recently got to know this girl via the archery club as she's my junior in both the club and in school. Currently, conducting the basic course for her too. She's SSSOOOO crazy lah... Since last week, she's been flooding my phone with smses and just yesterday, she got me something small but nice for my belated birthday present, a card and Tom&Jerry sweets O.o
Gotta teach her archery, gotta guide her school work, so many things to do =(
Back to work Aizen!
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Birthday and such
Birthday wishes are ranked according to first to the last person who dropped me a birthday greeting
1) Kikyo
2) Mimi
3) Xinyi
4) Kleo
5) Rong Jun
6) Ethel
7) Xiaojun
8) Sarah
9) Pei Ching
10) Shanning
11) Ferdy
11) Yai
12) Karen
13) yushan
14) ANNIE NEO
15) Shikin
16) Aaron
17) Jolene
18) Nadz
19) Jane
20) Ada
21) Karimah
22) Andrea
Had fish and co AGAIN with some old friends, total bill was 150bucks. All foot by a friend. Thanks (;
1) Kikyo
2) Mimi
3) Xinyi
4) Kleo
5) Rong Jun
6) Ethel
7) Xiaojun
8) Sarah
9) Pei Ching
10) Shanning
11) Ferdy
11) Yai
12) Karen
13) yushan
14) ANNIE NEO
15) Shikin
16) Aaron
17) Jolene
18) Nadz
19) Jane
20) Ada
21) Karimah
22) Andrea
Had fish and co AGAIN with some old friends, total bill was 150bucks. All foot by a friend. Thanks (;
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Another Stab
Last Friday, early morning 27th April, 5am, my grandfather took his last breath. I was kept in the dark till evening time because my family refuse to let me into it. Again, they blamed me for everything and that I should had stayed with him to see through his last breath.
Now, life seem so empty with my grandparents in another World and all blame was being pushed to me.
It's really sad... really..
I refuse to go for Chemo anymore... I'm running away from treatment.
I took some time and courage to pull out that DVD, and watch that show that brought back memories of the the past. Tears trickled down, pulling a long sad face regreting everything...
Things seem to come to a standstill...
Now, life seem so empty with my grandparents in another World and all blame was being pushed to me.
It's really sad... really..
I refuse to go for Chemo anymore... I'm running away from treatment.
I took some time and courage to pull out that DVD, and watch that show that brought back memories of the the past. Tears trickled down, pulling a long sad face regreting everything...
Things seem to come to a standstill...
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
German Pup
For the past few days, had been entering the school through the backgate and I spotted this German Shepherd pup playing in the huge field just outside my school. It had been there for days and this German pup is so adorable, running around in circles, playing fetch by it's on with a flattened bottle and attempting to rip apart a rag for the past few days. Yea, it was pretty dumb of me to stand there and watch the pup but I can't help it cuz I LOVE huge dogs!
I always wanted huge dogs but all I ever had was just a Golden Retriever and a Jack Russell (terror of my life). That's it! =/
I want a German, a Siberian Husky or a Gray Wolf, a breed that is going towards extinction. Yea, I LOVE huge dogs (;
If I have a chance to propose, my proposal will be having a small little newborn pup that she and I fancy on my arm and knock on the girl's door and then, to propose. I like that idea...
But it's.... Stupid to habour such thoughts...
I always wanted huge dogs but all I ever had was just a Golden Retriever and a Jack Russell (terror of my life). That's it! =/
I want a German, a Siberian Husky or a Gray Wolf, a breed that is going towards extinction. Yea, I LOVE huge dogs (;
If I have a chance to propose, my proposal will be having a small little newborn pup that she and I fancy on my arm and knock on the girl's door and then, to propose. I like that idea...
But it's.... Stupid to habour such thoughts...
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Headache, head pain, backache and Robocop
For the past week, had this really bad headache as though my brains are getting squashed. It was quite bad that my neck problem came back along with my backache. Which brought back my guilt about my grandma. For those who know, they might understand. Those who don't, too bad. Up next is my grandfather that the doctor had already declared that his time is numbered.
So, laying in bed for the whole day over the weekends, I pulled out my all time favourite superhero LD, Robocop series. Not much people know that I was really crazy about Robocop back then when I was a kid. Believe it anot. My favourite part of the series is Robocop 1 where Murphy was slaughtered. It was his sheer determination that kept his memories alive.
So, I asked myself, can't I be like him? Hmm... haiz
Alot had happen recently. The Zebra got URTI, Kleo just broke up, school work stress and finally, the national wide FYP project which the proposal is heavily resting on my shoulder...
So, laying in bed for the whole day over the weekends, I pulled out my all time favourite superhero LD, Robocop series. Not much people know that I was really crazy about Robocop back then when I was a kid. Believe it anot. My favourite part of the series is Robocop 1 where Murphy was slaughtered. It was his sheer determination that kept his memories alive.
So, I asked myself, can't I be like him? Hmm... haiz
Alot had happen recently. The Zebra got URTI, Kleo just broke up, school work stress and finally, the national wide FYP project which the proposal is heavily resting on my shoulder...
Saturday, April 21, 2007
No More Please...
Stopped chemo. So, a new treatment plan have to be formulated again...
Pain pain pain...
Attended a wedding dinner and a beautiful lady was seated right in front of me, in a black dress with a white covering. She's such a beaut with her sweet smile and her dimples, she got my attention on the spot. Tried to peek at her at times and for once, she looked up at me in the eyes.
Was confused and ashamed, I looked down and kept quiet. Then, I've yet to see her. What a waste not getting to speak to her... =(
Pain pain pain...
Attended a wedding dinner and a beautiful lady was seated right in front of me, in a black dress with a white covering. She's such a beaut with her sweet smile and her dimples, she got my attention on the spot. Tried to peek at her at times and for once, she looked up at me in the eyes.
Was confused and ashamed, I looked down and kept quiet. Then, I've yet to see her. What a waste not getting to speak to her... =(
Monday, April 16, 2007
Chemo useless.
Result after chemo: No progress at all but health breaking down more with infections. What to do? haiz
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Pneumonia Attack!
Dry coughs, difficulty breathing, blood in sputum, shortness of breath, fever rigid at 40.1 degrees, MORE chemo drugs induced, more pain to be endured, more suffering...
Help....
Help....
Friday, April 13, 2007
Back!
After all the tears, arguement and sharing, I'm back. Chemo today was horrible! The pain was bad, the feeling's bad, EVEYTHING was bad...
But well, I WILL pull through, I SWEAR!
Being a big fan of music, photography and movies, I decided to have this blog more... LIVELY with pictures and songs to follow up! I mean, after all the nonsense, the pain and rubbish I have to face at the hospital, the least I could do is make things happier yea? =DDD
Those who knows about xj's matter, please keep it low cuz the embassy's been pressing us alot about it. haiz' Since yesterday after I've landed, I decided to do something silly. I called all my friends who were overseas to express concern for them except one cuz I don't have her contact...
But well, take care...
But well, I WILL pull through, I SWEAR!
Being a big fan of music, photography and movies, I decided to have this blog more... LIVELY with pictures and songs to follow up! I mean, after all the nonsense, the pain and rubbish I have to face at the hospital, the least I could do is make things happier yea? =DDD
Those who knows about xj's matter, please keep it low cuz the embassy's been pressing us alot about it. haiz' Since yesterday after I've landed, I decided to do something silly. I called all my friends who were overseas to express concern for them except one cuz I don't have her contact...
But well, take care...
Back!
After all the tears, arguement and sharing, I'm back. Chemo today was horrible! The pain was bad, the feeling's bad, EVEYTHING was bad...
But well, I WILL pull through, I SWEAR!
Being a big fan of music, photography and movies, I decided to have this blog more... LIVELY with pictures and songs to follow up! I mean, after all the nonsense, the pain and rubbish I have to face at the hospital, the least I could do is make things happier yea? =DDD
Those who knows about xj's matter, please keep it low cuz the embassy's been pressing us alot about it. haiz' Since yesterday after I've landed, I decided to do something silly. I called all my friends who were overseas to express concern for them except one cuz I don't have her contact...
But well, take care...
But well, I WILL pull through, I SWEAR!
Being a big fan of music, photography and movies, I decided to have this blog more... LIVELY with pictures and songs to follow up! I mean, after all the nonsense, the pain and rubbish I have to face at the hospital, the least I could do is make things happier yea? =DDD
Those who knows about xj's matter, please keep it low cuz the embassy's been pressing us alot about it. haiz' Since yesterday after I've landed, I decided to do something silly. I called all my friends who were overseas to express concern for them except one cuz I don't have her contact...
But well, take care...
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Cherishing
Right now, in Aussie. So much had happened recently that I realized I'm still lagging behind trying to catch up with the situation. Life these days seem to be so fragile. For one minute we can be looking at someone so dear to you and the next, he/she would had move on to the afterlife. It's all so fragile...
But because of the recent events, I realized that I can't be that jerk I once was. Maybe I should be honest of the facts that happened not too long ago. The reason why I want to clear up my mess is because with each coming day, guilt raise on me and crawl into my soul. I will not twist my story to side myself, these are the facts.
Her name is Andrea, a really sweet humourous girl whose hands I once held. When we got together, it was honey moon period. As time goes by, because of my lack of understanding, I accused her of things that she had never done or held. Such as, having someone else in mind. I doubt her feelings really badly. Though I never once admitted that to her, I will admit that to readers here.
Once, I complained so much about her feelings and doubt it for she only told me that she loved me once. I kept pushing her to the limit, testing her feelings by giving her the straight to the fact "No feelings felt, a break up" thing.
Pestering her for most of her time, demanding attention from her was what I did whenever we go into silence for a few days. I didn't consider her feelings and even accuse her of not giving her best in the relationship. I even flooded her email, handphone and such that to a point, she couldn't take it anymore, a breakup was initiated.
I forgot my words that I had for others when they seek advise from me or whenever they need a listening ear. I always empasize that throughout any relationship, it's only when the girl feels that she had taken enough nonsense, would she summon her courage to say that she can't take it anymore.
Even till the time whereby she wanted the breakup, I wasn't sane enough to realize the mistakes of mine. I even blare at her for not giving her best. It was only after a friend's nagging, arguement and talking that I woke to my sense. His name is Clement. Somehow, I take it that he's part of my inner circle and I think I too own him an apology and thanks for all his lectures that somehow changed me.
You see, there were many underlying things that I had kept from my readers and thinking back on all these just make me feel like a jerk. But I guess it's still my anger management that is a problem. Don't ask me why I have such a post right now cuz I'm feeling alittle mixed up. But at least, an apology will do good, I hope...
Sorry about everything Andrea, sorry that I slandered you and having doubts about you. Take care of yourself there, nothing must happen to you cuz you are still very dear to me...
As much as even if you hate me to the extend that you wanna delete me off all your contact, least, be careful there... haiz
With all my confession, I leave you this vid. Classic but I love (;
Taken from Rap: Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it...
But because of the recent events, I realized that I can't be that jerk I once was. Maybe I should be honest of the facts that happened not too long ago. The reason why I want to clear up my mess is because with each coming day, guilt raise on me and crawl into my soul. I will not twist my story to side myself, these are the facts.
Her name is Andrea, a really sweet humourous girl whose hands I once held. When we got together, it was honey moon period. As time goes by, because of my lack of understanding, I accused her of things that she had never done or held. Such as, having someone else in mind. I doubt her feelings really badly. Though I never once admitted that to her, I will admit that to readers here.
Once, I complained so much about her feelings and doubt it for she only told me that she loved me once. I kept pushing her to the limit, testing her feelings by giving her the straight to the fact "No feelings felt, a break up" thing.
Pestering her for most of her time, demanding attention from her was what I did whenever we go into silence for a few days. I didn't consider her feelings and even accuse her of not giving her best in the relationship. I even flooded her email, handphone and such that to a point, she couldn't take it anymore, a breakup was initiated.
I forgot my words that I had for others when they seek advise from me or whenever they need a listening ear. I always empasize that throughout any relationship, it's only when the girl feels that she had taken enough nonsense, would she summon her courage to say that she can't take it anymore.
Even till the time whereby she wanted the breakup, I wasn't sane enough to realize the mistakes of mine. I even blare at her for not giving her best. It was only after a friend's nagging, arguement and talking that I woke to my sense. His name is Clement. Somehow, I take it that he's part of my inner circle and I think I too own him an apology and thanks for all his lectures that somehow changed me.
You see, there were many underlying things that I had kept from my readers and thinking back on all these just make me feel like a jerk. But I guess it's still my anger management that is a problem. Don't ask me why I have such a post right now cuz I'm feeling alittle mixed up. But at least, an apology will do good, I hope...
Sorry about everything Andrea, sorry that I slandered you and having doubts about you. Take care of yourself there, nothing must happen to you cuz you are still very dear to me...
As much as even if you hate me to the extend that you wanna delete me off all your contact, least, be careful there... haiz
With all my confession, I leave you this vid. Classic but I love (;
Taken from Rap: Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it...
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Let's talk camera
Ok, I got to proclaim, my analog camera which I sent for "check-up" have got terminal "cancer" and will "die" soon. So, I gotta save up and shop for a new camera. So much hate I have for digital but I've got no choice as analog cameras are now really expensive and trust me, they cost MORE than digital cameras, the ones I want.
The one I have in mind, the canon 30D
Canon stated SD$2299 but a friend got from Cathayphoto for SD$1800 plus. What a BIG bargain! And I was also the one who introduced to him that place. A place for photographers to get cheap and great bargains! Range from "idiot-proof" cameras to high-end cameras. I will gladly introduce that place further more in future! =pPppP
The one I have in mind, the canon 30D
Canon stated SD$2299 but a friend got from Cathayphoto for SD$1800 plus. What a BIG bargain! And I was also the one who introduced to him that place. A place for photographers to get cheap and great bargains! Range from "idiot-proof" cameras to high-end cameras. I will gladly introduce that place further more in future! =pPppP
Friday, April 6, 2007
Chemo emo
Finally, after figuring out how to handle that stupid chatter box thingy, I got it worked out. I'll add on the links some other time when I do have the time. Currently, I don't think that stupid Globe tracker is working! But well, forget it, I'll just elaborate on what had been going on recently.
I started my chemo just last week and it is real terrible. so many times I wanted to just unplug the damm chemo and run away from all the pain but well, I will pull through. Now that I'm bald, I'll face more discrimination. Had been for chemo four times since last week and I'm already half dead by now. Totally drained.
So bored after chemo yesterday, went down to get lime GREEN paint to actually paint up my room to some fantastic colour. For those who scrutinize me about the colour green, please, it's not like I totally like the colours that you look at.
Today, went out with Raphael, Nikos and one other guy whom I failed to catch his name for some photo taking session cuz it's been years since I touched my analog camera. So, once again, I was the rare breed who still uses an analog camera while all are progressing towards digital age. But either way, those whom I know, none dare to challenge me of my photography skill. lol
Since this blog is new and that I had only informed CERTAIN people of the new link, I guess it's alright to post up pictures. These pictures were taken with my A95 5MP semi-pro digital camera. So, not really nicely done. PLEASE, these pictures are COPYRIGHTED.
Who needs a CD writer now?
Guess?
Fraction of missing part?
Guess?
Clue: Pandas LOVE them.
Wrong place...
Beauty and the 9/10 BeastS
So who's going first? (BAD buildings destroyed the whole picture)
Let's have tea
Hole in the heart
Sorry that most of the pictures are in black and white cuz I love B&W pictures. Once the my films are developed, I shall post MORE pictures up (;
I started my chemo just last week and it is real terrible. so many times I wanted to just unplug the damm chemo and run away from all the pain but well, I will pull through. Now that I'm bald, I'll face more discrimination. Had been for chemo four times since last week and I'm already half dead by now. Totally drained.
So bored after chemo yesterday, went down to get lime GREEN paint to actually paint up my room to some fantastic colour. For those who scrutinize me about the colour green, please, it's not like I totally like the colours that you look at.
Today, went out with Raphael, Nikos and one other guy whom I failed to catch his name for some photo taking session cuz it's been years since I touched my analog camera. So, once again, I was the rare breed who still uses an analog camera while all are progressing towards digital age. But either way, those whom I know, none dare to challenge me of my photography skill. lol
Since this blog is new and that I had only informed CERTAIN people of the new link, I guess it's alright to post up pictures. These pictures were taken with my A95 5MP semi-pro digital camera. So, not really nicely done. PLEASE, these pictures are COPYRIGHTED.
Who needs a CD writer now?
Guess?
Fraction of missing part?
Guess?
Clue: Pandas LOVE them.
Wrong place...
Beauty and the 9/10 BeastS
So who's going first? (BAD buildings destroyed the whole picture)
Let's have tea
Hole in the heart
Sorry that most of the pictures are in black and white cuz I love B&W pictures. Once the my films are developed, I shall post MORE pictures up (;
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
